Self Injury
I feel everything, but nothing
And nothing, but everything
Note: If you are looking for a self injury group, please visit my self injury focus group page for information.
What drives a person to deliberately do bodily harm to himself/herself ? Most self injurers (SI) are NOT trying to hurt themselves, consciously commit suicide, or seek added attention. Mainly, self injurers learned self injury as a coping mechanism to alleviate or manage emotional pain they can’t verbalize. Also, self injury is used as a distraction when experiencing intense feelings ‘at that moment’ when SI feel they’re losing control. Self injury can help regulate their mood by providing a ‘high’ of endorphins that kick in and calm them down once the injury occurs. Examples of non injurers might be, smoking a cigarette when stressed, exercising to release anger or talking with a friend when sad. These are all different coping styles whose purpose is to deal with feelings. Some of the methods self injurers may use are:
- Cutting
- Burning
- Biting
- Head banging
- Excess scratching
- Embedding object in skin
- Picking scabs/wounds
Surprisingly, the SI usually don’t feel any pain while in the act. The SI is in a state of disconnect (in a daze) from the self. The psychological term used for this state of disconnect is called, ‘dissociation’. Usually the person is overloaded with feelings or trauma that the mind can’t handle and as a result the mind distances from what’s actually going on. They know they’re self injuring, but are in such a ‘trance’ that they don’t feel much in ways of physical pain until their emotional pain subsides.
Self Injurers are dealing with a lot of emotional turmoil inside. They just want to feel O.K. and this is one way to get there. They may feel the following:
- Their voice is not heard (they don’t exist)
- They aren’t important (not validated)
- The feelings are too strong to express adequately (see my pain)
- Some say they feel nothing (numb, depressed, sad ) and harm themselves to feel ‘alive’ again
- Some say they feel too much (tension, anxiety, overwhelmed) and need to self injure to release mounting pain inside
- Others fear abandonment
- Self punishment (I’m bad, not lovable, let me punish myself before someone else)
- They feel angry and are afraid of losing control so they vent this rage on themselves (being upset at someone/something else, but taking it out on oneself instead)
There are many other reasons and combination of reasons not listed. It’s important to remember, every reason is a valid reason and should be acknowledged.
Some Characteristics for Self Injurers
- Lack of impulse control
- Low capacity to form solid relationships
- Fear of change
- Low Self Esteem
- All or nothing thought pattern (bad/good, right/wrong)
- Psychiatric Disorders
Helpful responses to self injurers
Try to be non-judgemental and show compassion. Usually SI have deep underlying feelings such as guilt, sadness, or are afraid. Use the opportunity to open up with them about what’s going on. Don’t chastise or punish for injuries.
Let them know it’s not a taboo topic with you and you’re willing to listen to them. Try not to rush them to express their feelings. Part of the issue is not being able to talk about it so be patient.
Be available to help SI overcome their isolation and talk more about what they are feeling. When did it start? What was he/she feeling at the time? Help them get connected with others so that they won’t feel so alone.
Ask ‘how would you like me to respond to you?’. It’s O.K. to say you don’t know the answers.
Don’t get into power struggles with them. You can’t keep them from self injuring. This means not to ‘baby’ them by keeping ‘watch’ 24 hours a day or hiding objects that they self injure with. This may lead them to resent or resist you. SI need to learn how to keep THEMSELVES safe.
Remember that healing is a slow process and SI won’t cure overnight. If she/he starts to reduce the amount of injury, then this is a good sign toward eventually overcoming self injury.